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Me, Reman Bala, I am currently at the present. But each day I travel back to the past to live some of my temporary beautiful past moments. I live those old memories and I come to realize the emotional scars are still left in me. I then return back to the present and find the differences. Most of the people I knew were no longer the humans they used to be. But slowly the answers got clear; they had changed themselves according to their surrounding. Suddenly the time stopped and there was darkness all around. A bright light approached towards me and I reached to the future. Here, life is still the same as it used to be, full of pain. I am still isolating myself from humans. This isolation has created a shield, a strong shield that can only be broken by that extra-ordinary human who will love me truly. My parents are still forcing me to marry and I am still ignoring them because that extra-ordinary human still remains a mystery. My Goddess won’t let me die so early. She believes that I can do something that others can’t. Well I still haven’t figured out what that is and I am still searching the answers for the question “Who am I?” Since I am going to die old, I will need a support. I look at my friends, their children and a happy family. This makes me feel unlucky because my Goddess neither let me live a complete extra-ordinary life nor a normal human life. Tears dropped down giving me a thought. Following that thought, I adopt a girl child. My parents and rest of the world might question me, “Why a girl child?” It is because I believe a daughter can understand a father better than anyone. I am working hard day by day for her future and to make her financially secured even if something happens to me. I have given her the name “Anushree”. The time stops again and darkness covers me. A bright light approaches and takes me deeper in the future. Here, Anu is 8 years old. I have given her everything I can. A father cannot give a mother’s love but I am doing my best so that she never feels the absence of a mother. She is my life and I am always scared that my Goddess might take her away from me. I still hide my pain within because she is not yet grown up to understand it but when she hugs me I feel like this was the love I was searching for years. I play with her and make her laugh. I hear her laughter like an echo even when she is at school. The time stops again and darkness covers me. The bright light takes me further in the future. Here, Anu is 22 years old. I share her everything that was hidden for years. When sharing those past events, tear rolls down from my eyes. She wipes my tears and cracks jokes to make me laugh just like I did in the past to make others laugh. She is my best friend. I often wonder if I had got such a friend in the past I would have never been lonely. The time stops for the last time and darkness covers me again. The bright light got inside my body and I reached to the depths of the future. Anu is now 26 years old. I have become very old now and today she is getting married. After waving her goodbye, I cried a lot. I have become lonely as I used to be in the past. I miss my parents, I never told them how much I loved them because I didn’t know how to express feelings. I want to talk to my brother but he is busy in his own world. After a few days, I am on my death bed. No one is around me, I am alone. I just have a few breaths left. I remember everyone and memories are being replayed in my head. I am wishing my Goddess to bring my daughter close to me for the last time. All of a sudden the door opens, Anu enters slowly and seeing me suffocate she quickly brings water and makes me drink it. She starts crying and calling for help. I slowly raise my hand and wipe her tears. She gives me a hug and my last breath gets released.

Written by Reman Bala